Friday, July 6, 2012 | By: Drotuno

Coming Home Chapter 63 - Bella

~oOo~

From: Bella Swan
To: EAMasen
Date Sent: Mon, May 31, 2010 at 9:21 P.M.
Date Received: Tues, June 01, 2010 at 6:21 A.M.
Subject: Long day

Edward,

I want to apologize for my abrupt ending to our last phone call. I suddenly realized something and just needed to get off the phone so I could process it thoroughly.

First, I want to say how glad I am that you guys arrived safely in Germany. I'm glad you're out of the war zone and on your way home to the US. I know that's a relief for the families and friends of all the men in your squad.

Second, I want you to know I spent all day today thinking about things. I'm sure you're relieved to be away from everything in Afghanistan. Even now, when you're in Germany and in training, you have so much more freedom than you had forty-eight hours ago. In a week, there will be that much more – the privacy of your own place, the time to spend however you want (whether it be alone or...with someone).

That freedom isn't something you've had since you were a kid, really. Your mom got sick while you were a teenager, and you spent time helping take care of her. Then you had to become an adult before you were ready and take care of your dad when he fell apart. Through most of that, you had Tanya, and of course, after your dad died, you didn't have the freedom to do anything you wanted when you joined the Army. That must be driving you kind of crazy. I think it probably would anyone in your situation, so it's not something I can fault you for.

There are going to be so many opportunities for you now. Christ, Edward... I've seen your picture. I've heard your voice. Women are going to be falling all over themselves to be with you. Whether it is there in Germany with the English-speaking (or non-English-speaking...whichever is your bag...) native women or in Tampa with the prettier, hotter, younger girls in bikinis in the Florida sun, you'll have so many options, you won't know what to do with them all.

Why would you want to miss all of those opportunities after so long of having no freedom to choose who or what you want? *shakes head* It was crazy of me to think that you would want to do that...to still be alone when you don't have to be, simply because you're waiting to meet me face to face.

I love you, Edward. You're an amazing man and one that I can see spending the rest of my life with. But if you need to grab onto the freedom that has been given to you, I understand. I don't like it...but I understand.

All my love,
Bella

~oooOOOooo~

Seattle... Monday, May 31, 2010 at 10:02 P.M.

I finished the email to Edward and curled up on the couch under the blanket. The sick feeling in my stomach was worse than it had ever been before. I had such a great guy, and I felt like I was throwing it all away. But how could I not tell him I understood if he decided he needed his newfound freedom? I loved him with every ounce of my being, and I just wanted him to have every opportunity in life. If he decided I wasn't what he ultimately wanted, he needed to know I was prepared to step aside.

No matter how much it hurt.

~oOo~

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