Wednesday, April 1, 2015 | By: Drotuno

Man Behind the Mask Chapter 12 & Pics

Chapter 12 – The Show Must Go On
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I'll face it with a grin
I'm never giving in
On - with the show -
I'll top the bill, I'll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on...
“The Show Must Go On” – Queen
Rose’s voice was all business, as was her firm grip on my shoulder. “We need a band meeting…away from prying ears,” she said, glancing to the construction workers. “Ladies, boys…let’s take this upstairs to Edward’s apartment.”
My eyes locked on to Bella’s sweet face, and I panicked at the worry I saw all over it. Looking to Rose, I opened my mouth to speak, but she just shook her head. Everyone gathered up their things, and Bella slipped down from the stage, taking my hand in hers. She gave me a gentle tug to get me moving.
Emmett led the way up to my apartment, and once we were all inside, everyone found a place to sit. Something in me told me to keep Bella close, so I pulled her down with me onto the sofa. Rose, however, remained standing, and I didn’t like the look on her face. An unnerved Rose could be a scary Rose.
“I need everyone to be quiet for a second,” she started, frowning a little. “I got back the specs on this video from the director. The song list is fine, as is the scheduled small interviews he’ll do with each of the guys, including Mike. I’ll have to coach him on how that’ll work. Anyway, he’s charted out where all the extras, the servers, and the security will be throughout the filming. It all looks fine. I’ve upped the amount of security guards, simply to keep down the paps, the fans, and any other riffraff from getting in – and yes, I mean James.”
There was a grumble of agreement that went around the room, but we didn’t have a choice. James was absolutely raging pissed that he’d been busted on breaking his contract. Unfortunately, it wasn’t even the band’s decision, but the lawyer’s. Jenks had been livid when his investigation team came back with proof that James had leaked information about me and the band, not to mention, they had proof that he’d been talking to Heidi. Whoever was watching her had turned them in.
Bella’s hand slipped into mine, linking our fingers together. Her other hand reached over to trace the ink on the back of it. Along each line of the spider web etched into my skin, her finger trailed lightly. For a second I watched her, only to glance up to her face, which was dark and angry.
“Edward,” Rose said, coming to stand in front of me. “I need you to stay calm with what I’m about to tell you. And believe me, I have busted my ass to change it but to no avail. Okay?”
Frowning up at her, I simply waited.
Rose took a deep breath, steeling herself, which was saying something, because she was pretty damn fierce all the fucking time. “They’re…” She shot a glance to Bella, shaking her head before looking back to me. “They’re bringing Heidi in for this shoot.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Emmett snapped, pushing off the wall. “I don’t fucking think so!”
My mouth fell open, but the room exploded into expletives and gasps of shock. The most colorful came from Tanya, from whom I swore I heard names like “fuck bucket” and “cunt cake.” I couldn’t even laugh at the creativity.
My temper started to boil over. “Why?!” I asked, glaring up at Rose. “There are a million extras they could bring in! Why, Rose?”
“Because he can.”
That statement fell heavily into the room, and everyone shut up.
“No, just…fucking no.” I stated, and I looked down when Bella pulled at my hand, which was squeezing hers too hard. “Oh, fuck! Angel, I’m sorry!” I whispered, releasing my grip and kissing her fingers. “I’m…” My eyes narrowed. “You knew…”
“I did. Rose told me just before the audition.” Her voice was tentative, but her eyes were warm yet worried.
I spun to Rose. “Aro!”
“Yup,” she replied, shrugging a shoulder. “I’ve tried to change the lineup, but they won’t have it, so I’m assuming there’s some sort of blackmail going on. Edward, I’m so fucking sorry. I know you don’t want her anywhere near you…”
I let go of Bella, standing up abruptly. I grabbed for my hair, only to rip my hat and bandana off and throw them across the room. “You’re fucking right, I don’t!”
“Well, that just sealed the deal for me,” Alec stated calmly. “This will be the last of Volturi Records as far as we’re concerned.”
“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Jasper agreed, but he looked up to me from his spot on the other sofa. “That’s it, Edward. Let’s finish this.”
I closed my eyes in frustration, sinking my fingers into my sweaty hair. I shook my head slowly as Rose spoke softly.
“According to the specs, she’ll be brought in as a highlighted extra. It’ll be a bit like the video she was in…”
My eyes snapped open, and I gaped at her, because that video – while sexy and fit the song at the time – was not something I wanted to relive now. I spun to face the one person who hadn’t said a damn word.
“Bella…it won’t be…”
She grimaced a little but nodded. “I know, Edward.”
Something about her calm tone unnerved me, but I faced Rose again. “Why would Heidi even agree to this?” I asked, holding out my arms. “I thought I was detrimental to her precious fucking career!” Laughter tittered out of Kate and Tanya, and I shook my head. “I’m serious! Why the fuck would she come anywhere near me after she…she…”
“Money,” Jacob stated, shrugging and nodding at the same time. “Why do any of us do anything? I’m pretty fucking sure that Aro is footing her paycheck on this one.”
“What if…” I started, but Rose shook her head.
“You can’t back out now. All contracts are signed, all the dates and invites are set, and we’ve booked the film crew. It’s a done deal. I just can’t get them to relent on using Heidi, Edward. I wish I could, but I can’t! I swear to God, I’ve tried.”
“I’m not touching her, nor am I acting with her.” I folded my arms across my chest.
Rose sighed. “I know you’ll do your best, brother-in-law, but don’t breach this contract. You can’t. We’re so fucking close to being finished. Once this part is over, you’ll be on tour, away from Aro, and once it’s done, we’re finished with him. He’s pushing this because he can, because he liked the attention you and Heidi brought to the table, if only because it stemmed from the first video.”
I glared at her and then at the ground, my head continuously shaking no. A small, warm hand slipped into mine, and I looked over to see Bella standing beside me, but her eyes were on Rose.
“I would like to speak to Edward…alone,” she stated firmly.
Rose smirked, but she nodded, facing me again. “You just have to—”
“I know!” I snapped, frowning at the whole fucked-up situation.
Everyone stood up, Jake and Alec smacked my back, but Jasper stopped in front of me, saying, “Aro just ruined his chance, Edward. Keep that in mind. We’ll handle whatever he throws at us and spit it back at him when the tour is over.”
Nodding that I heard him, I sighed deeply.
Tanya and Kate stood up, talking to each other.
“She’s such a fame-whore. She’s doing this simply because she heard the rumors…”
My gaze snapped up. “What fucking rumors?”
“Bella.” Kate’s voice was tentative, but she pointed toward my girl. “You moved on, and she’s jealous. I’m telling you, she liked the focus on her, Edward!”
“You know James spilled all that shit to her,” Tanya added.
Bella snorted but shook her head and looked to Rose. “You were right.”
“I didn’t want to be…not this time,” she said, waving everyone out. “Let’s go. Oh, and Edward…you have to be—”
“Right…a fucking meeting tonight,” I grumbled, shaking my head.
“You only have a few left.”
I waved that away as they all left my apartment. I closed the door behind them, turning to lean back against it. My eyes found Bella still standing in my living room, but she seemed determined or unfazed by this shit as she pointed to the sofa.
“Edward, sit for me. Please?”
I fell down onto the sofa hard and suddenly exhausted, but Bella took a seat on the coffee table in front of me. My hands ached to pull her close, to reach out and touch, but I didn’t. I wasn’t quite sure where we stood about this situation.
She met my gaze, and we both spoke at the same time.
“Rose came to you…”
“I need to ask you…”
Smiling a little, I gestured for her to go first. “Angel, you can ask me anything.”
Her smile was sweet and warm but a tiny bit nervous. “Okay… Do you still have feelings for Heidi?”
“No, Bella. I promise.” I sat forward on the sofa, tugging her to the edge of the table. “No,” I whispered, bringing her hands up to kiss her fingers. “How do I…” I sighed, feeling my face heat, but I looked Bella in the eyes. “Nothing…no one has made me feel the way that you do, angel. That’s the damn truth.”
Her brow wrinkled as she captured my face in her hands, and she looked like she wanted to say something, only to open and close her mouth once or twice. Finally, she said, “Okay, so…if you had to see her…”
“But I don’t want to.”
She laughed a little, probably at how childish that sounded. “I understand that, but… Listen, baby; Rose came to me because she knew you’d be upset. She wanted me to know that it would be an act you’d have to put on. So…” She smiled, her hands raking through my disheveled hair. “I know you can do this. I know it will be all for the fans and cameras, and I kinda…love that I know the truth. That I know Edward…and Masen. That puts me one up on… Damn, did Tanya really call her a fuck bucket?”
Snorting into a laugh I couldn’t stop, I nodded. “Yeah, she did.”
The humor in the room died quickly, leaving the two of us simply staring at each other.
“Bella, I…” I sighed, rubbing my hands along the outside of her thighs over her jeans. “I don’t want to see her. I don’t think I can even act around her. Not civilly. And it isn’t anything do to with…with me or us breaking up. It’s… She…” My gaze fell to where our knees were touching.
A warm hand slipped beneath my chin and tilted my gaze up to meet warm yet fiercely protective. “She betrayed you and your family, Edward. I understand that. Breakups are ugly, usually, but that was uncalled for. I get that.” I nodded, but she cupped my face, studying it, finally bringing my lips in to meet hers way too briefly. “So…let me ask you something else.”
I smiled against her mouth. “Okay.”
“If she was…just another extra, another model… Would you be… Could you just do what you needed to do to get it done?”
I shrugged. “Probably. I wouldn’t like it. I didn’t even like the photo shoot in L.A. with all those models, so…”
“Why?” she asked with a smirk on her face. “Edward, you’re…you. You’re single and famous and handsome and… Any man would…”
“I’m not any man, and I haven’t considered myself single since I knocked you over while running from the paps.” Fuck, if that wasn’t the honest truth.
Her giggle was silly and sweet. “Edward, stop…”
“What? I’m serious. Did you think I was kidding when I said all I wanted was you and music? Fuck, Bella…it’s the most honest I’ve been with myself…and my damn family…since I became Masen.” I was a split-second away from placing my heart in her hands, but I was terrified of what she’d say…or wouldn’t say back. “All I know is that no matter what happens the day of the shoot, I want you there.”
She smiled. “Of course. Every second.”
“And you need to understand that it won’t be me up there or with…” I groaned, gripping at my hair. “With Heidi. It’ll be Masen, and I…”
“You are the same man, Edward,” she stated so firmly and so fiercely that my gaze shot up from her lap to meet her eyes. “You are. You…think you’re two different people, but you’re not. Masen is simply an amplified version of you. You, baby. You’ve learned to use Masen as a way to shelter yourself from the freak-show side of the music business, but he’s also the part of you that draws people in. He’s your confidence and your bravado in front of cameras and on the stage and in interviews. He’s the man who stood up to my mother for simply being stubborn and overprotective, and he’s the guy tough enough to be arrested without batting an eye, but Edward comes out in your lyrics, in your charm, in the excitement over raising money for charity, or even inviting Bree to your shows just so you can make up for what someone else did, something for which you’re being unjustly punished. That… Edward, all of that is you. Masen/Edward… It doesn’t matter because you are both personas all blended up into one amazing person.”
No one had ever said that to me, and I don’t think anyone ever saw me that way. Hell, I was pretty sure my own brother never even saw it that way. I blinked stupidly at her.
“Masen may exude sexual prowess, but it’s Edward who would never, ever use it to hurt someone. And of that…I’m absolutely sure,” she whispered, trailing her fingers across my eyebrow, down my face, and along my jaw as I shook my head no. “I see them both in you,” she said softly, shrugging one shoulder. “I’ve fallen for…” She gasped because my hands gripped her just a bit when I flinched.
She started to get up, but I pulled her as close as I could get her without actually setting her on my lap…or pinning her to the couch, which I was a fucking hair away from doing.
“Finish that sentence, angel. I’m fucking begging you,” I pleaded, my hand slipping into her hair as I brushed kisses across her lips and chin.
She looked terrified, her voice barely a whisper. “I’m scared to say it, Edward.”
“Why, baby?”
“Because it’ll change everything…”
“It’ll make this so very real, and it’ll make it so fucking hard to let you go in a couple of weeks.”
I couldn’t take it any longer, so I lifted her from the table and sank back into the sofa with her straddling my lap. Holding her face in my hands, I nodded that what she said was true.
“You think I want to leave…now that I’ve found you?” I asked her, gaping up at her. “This…right here…feels more like home to me than any-fucking-where I’ve ever been. You think I won’t bust my ass to get back here? To bring you to wherever I am? You’d only have to say the word, and it’s a done deal. I know you have a life here, a business, and I know you don’t need me to do anything, but I would. I’d do anything you asked. So please, angel…finish that sentence. I really need to hear it.”
Her hands were braced on my shoulders and her breathing was shallow, but her lips fell to mine before she said, “I’ve fallen for every side of you, Edward. I…I…I love you, and I honestly don’t know what I’ll do when you go on tour. My life was boring and dull before you fell into my bar, and it’ll go right back to that while you’re gone.”
Grinning, I chuckled a little. “You’ll just have to make do with woeful tales from strangers until I come back. And here I thought I was bringing all this chaos into your life, Bella.”
“You did, and I love it.” She smiled, nuzzling my nose with hers.
“And I love you.” Something sort of glorious lit up her face when I said that, and I kissed her softly. “So…now what do we do about that, angel?”
She shook her head a little. “I don’t know,” she mumbled against my lips. “I want to be selfish with you, but I know I can’t. I want to…punch Heidi for hurting you, but I can’t. I want to keep you here, but I can’t. That’s what scares me, Edward. I’m not afraid of you, or what you do, but I’ll miss you and worry about you and go crazy without you. I’ve gotten really spoiled to having you around, to hearing you stomp around up here, to your company while I close the bar. I’ll be stuck watching useless TV.”
Laughing, I nodded. “And I want to smuggle you in my luggage, but I can’t. But I don’t want to talk about the tour just yet, baby. I will promise that you can be as selfish as you want with whatever time I have.”
“Can I come with you to your meeting?”
My brow wrinkled. “You’d do that?”
“You don’t need to be there, Edward, so I could at least keep you company,” she offered, shrugging a shoulder. “See? Selfish.”
Grinning like a damn fool, I nodded. “You’re not the only one. We could…go out. You know, make a date of it.”
Another sweet giggle escaped her. “Okay.”
I glanced over at the clock on my wall. “We’ll need to leave soon, angel. You covered downstairs?” I asked, and she nodded. “Oh yeah, you’re the boss.”
“I am,” she stated dramatically, “but Edward… We still have the Heidi problem.”
Sighing deeply, I let my head fall to the back of the couch, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Bella’s beautiful face. She loved me. Knowing that made me ridiculously happy…and strangely relaxed, especially given I’d thought I was moving too fast. We weren’t. We were once again on the same page.
Suddenly, Heidi coming to the video shoot didn’t seem to matter so much. Bella’s strong words rattled around in my head that I could do this, that it would merely be for the cameras and the fans. That’s it.
A slow smile curled up my face, making Bella’s brow furrow. “You look…evil.”
I laughed lightly. “I was just thinking, angel. That’s all.”
Bella leaned closer, and I sank further down into the couch so that we were stomach to stomach, nose to nose. “And what made you smile like that?” she asked with a soft chuckle.
“You.” I nodded, brushing my lips across hers. We were so close, I could feel every inch of her curves, her breasts pressed to my chest, and her light touch along my jaw. “You, Bella. You were right. I can do this. I don’t like it, but…I abso-fucking-lutely refuse to give her power…not here. Not between us. Not a chance in hell. I won’t allow anything to hurt you. No.”
My girl scoffed. “She can’t hurt me. She doesn’t even know me.”
“She doesn’t have to know you, Bella,” I told her. “Remember what I said… She’s all about herself, which is why I’m wondering why she’s stooping so low to do a music video. She moved beyond that after the first one. She’s had TV spots and movies.”
“Maybe Jake’s right – for the money.”
“Maybe,” I mumbled, shrugging, but I reached up to tuck her hair behind her ears. “She always preferred Masen.”
“So give her Masen.” Her voice was soft, soothing, but her lips were fiery licks against my mouth. “Leave Edward…to me.”
Grinning, I let my arms wind around her, my palms flat against her back, beneath her shirt, and finally cupping her ass as I gave it a good squeeze.
“See?” she asked with a sexy smirk on her face. “More of that selfish thing.”
“I’m beginning to really like it.”
“I can tell.” She shifted over me, which only made me pull her closer, grind against her where we were pressed together, where I was growing hard for her the longer she stared at me like she was at that moment. “Give her the cold-hearted, just-out-of-rehab, conceited rock star, baby. Treat her like you would any other ‘extra.’”
“You could handle that?”
“I can handle a lot of things, Edward, even snobby actresses with ulterior motives. What I can’t handle is seeing you upset, is someone hurting you. Nope. Not happening. I love you too much.”
“Fuck,” I gasped when she shifted her hips just right. “Fuck, that sounds so damn good. Say it again.”
I gripped her ass cheek over her jeans in one hand while the other slipped roughly into her hair in order to bring her lips to mine. I kissed the living shit out of her. I kissed her, claimed her with my tongue, and nipped her bottom lip with my teeth.
“I really fucking love you, and you’d better strip. Like now, angel. I want you before we have to leave.”
She sat up with a laugh, reaching for the edge of her shirt. “Selfish feels pretty good, huh?”
“Shut up and get naked, Bella.”
“Hey, Masen. The usual?”
“Molly,” I greeted the girl at the coffee shop. “Yes, please.”
“You got it. And for you?” Molly asked Bella.
“Coffee…cream and sugar, please.”
“No prob. Be right back.”
Bella smirked over at me. “Usual?”
“I come here after most meetings. Molly there is nice enough to keep me…anonymous. And I tip her really well for it.”
Bella chuckled, nodding a little. “Gotcha.”
“The first time I came in here was with Dad,” I told her, toying with a sugar packet on the table. “And again…Molly.” I pointed toward the barista bar. “She kept the people away from me when I was… Well, Dad and I weren’t exactly having a pleasant conversation.”
My girl smiled sadly. “Have you heard from him since he went to Serenity?”
“Umm…” I let out a deep breath. “Yeah, once. He let me know that he was in, that he was okay, and asked me to check on Mom every now and then.”
“Have you?”
“No, but Emmett has.”
“Don’t you think you should?” she asked and tilted her head at me when my gaze snapped up from the table to meet hers. “She’s your mom, baby. He kept her in the dark just as much as he did you and Emmett. And now she’s alone.”
Grimacing, I nodded. I didn’t say anything, but Molly appeared with our coffees, setting them down. I thanked her before she walked away.
“Edward,” Bella called. She said it so softly, something I noticed she did in public. My name – my real name – was something she protected, something she kept solely for herself. It made me smile her way when she took a sip from her mug. “You really need to see her before you leave. You’ll be leaving before Thanksgiving and won’t be back until…”
“After the new year, angel. I know.”
I gazed at the beautiful woman across from me. Memories of the things we’d done just before we left for the AA meeting flickered through my mind. I’d stripped her down, taking her on my sofa. It had been fast and fierce and fan-fucking-tastic. It had also been filled with whispers of love and want, and I was pretty sure Bella was sporting a love bite or two beneath the sweater she was wearing. I knew for a fucking fact there was one on the inside of her creamy thigh.
The girl owned me – heart, body, and soul – and I loved her for it. I loved that she wasn’t afraid to chastise me or voice her opinion. So many women from my past – Heidi included – would say shit they thought I’d want to hear, if only because they thought they’d worm their way into my life. Not my Bella. My angel was real and honest and brave. It was refreshing.
The mere thought of leaving her for the first leg of the tour was maddening, and I could see it was the same for her. Radiant Eclipse would fly out to the East Coast, working our way from New York, down to Miami. We’d break after that, coming home for a few days, only to pick right back up in the Midwest.
A small foot kicked me softly. “Where’d you go?” Bella asked with a laugh.
“Miami,” I answered, grinning at her laugh before sipping my coffee, but my smile fell quickly. “It all feels…wrong. Leaving, I mean. I just…and you…and my parents…”
Bella smiled, setting her mug down. “Nothing about your job…and it is your job, Edward…is wrong. It’s how you prioritize the important things.” She nudged my leg again until I grabbed her foot and pulled it to my lap beneath the table. I rubbed her calf gently as she spoke, if only to keep some sort of physical contact with her. “Of course, you’ve got appointments and rehearsals. You’ve got your last… How many meetings?”
“Okay, two more meetings until you’re finished with the DUI stuff.” Bella’s eyes narrowed, simply because she wasn’t happy about it. “And you’re leaving in two and a half weeks. You’ll be gone for over four months. You should fit in a visit to your mom and maybe one to your dad at Serenity. Baby, I know we were teasing – kind of, sort of – about being selfish, but you can’t…”
“I know, angel,” I sighed, squeezing her leg. “I know.” I gazed pleadingly at her. “Can I at least… Can it be after the video shoot, Bella? I’ve got to get Mike ready, focus on the show, and then there’s the whole Heidi thing.”
Bella eyed me shrewdly. “You’re stalling, baby.”
“Yes. Yes, I am.” I snorted humorlessly. “I’m still…pissed at her, Bella. She…blamed me so fucking fast! She…didn’t even… She accepted my arrest and the wreck and then was pissed when she found out differently.”
“Then sit down and explain it. In detail.”
Grumbling under my breath, I sat back in the booth, folding my arms across my chest. “Okay, but after the video,” I countered belligerently, because hell yes, I was still stalling.
“Fair enough.”
My eyes locked with the calm, soothing brown I loved. “Come with me. Meet my mom.”
Her chuckle was sweet, but she shook her head. “Does she know about me, Edward?”
“Yeah, Emmett and Rose have sung your praises already.”
She laughed. “Okay, fine. I’ll go. But you’ll call to set it up for like the day after the show at the bar.”
She pointed a finger my way, and I leaned in to wrap my hand around it. I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to do things to her I had no business wanting in public. Not that I gave two shits what people thought, but I wasn’t blind to the cell phones inside that coffee shop. Molly did a fucking awesome job keeping people from approaching the table, but she couldn’t stop them from snapping pictures. Again, I didn’t give a damn what people said about me, but I didn’t want Bella dragged all over the hell and back.
“Can we go now?” I asked her softly.
Bella smirked. “Yeah. Where to, Edward?”
I stood up, dropping my usual hefty tip onto the table for Molly, who I shot a quick wave to before offering Bella my hand to help her out of the booth.
I guided her out the door and into the chilly night air, but I leaned to her ear. “Anywhere I can kiss the living shit out of you without an audience.”
Bella’s giggle was adorable. “So…your car, then?”
Laughing, I nodded, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as we crossed back to the church parking lot where the meeting had been held.
“We’ll start in the car, angel, and then we’ll see where it goes from there.”
I held the car door for her, shutting it once she was in. I gazed around before getting in the driver’s side. I knew Bella was right. I was stalling. I was stalling on a lot of shit, but fuck me, it had been a long damn time since I’d felt as good as my girl made me feel. We’d teased each other about the whole selfish thing, but I’d done what everyone else wanted for so fucking long, I was determined to take for myself as long as I could.
As soon as the door closed, Bella reached over, pulling me by the back of my neck to press her lips to mine. My whole being reacted to that kiss, and I hummed in approval as we lost ourselves for just a minute. There were gripping and groping hands, tongues and teeth, not to mention a little hair-pulling. I was about a split second from pulling her on top of me when she slowed us down a little.
“Something like that?” she whispered against my cheek, smiling against my scruffy face when I laughed and nodded. “Drive, Edward, before we end up doing unspeakable things in this church parking lot.”
I groaned, straightening up in my seat, but my head fell back to the head rest. “You’re killing me, Bella.”
“You love it.”
Grinning and still panting heavily, I rolled my head to the side to face her. Her haughty face was adorable and sexy. “I love you,” I countered honestly and simply, smiling at her sweet grin. It was so easy to say to her.
Her brow furrowed, and she leaned over to kiss my lips briefly. “Love you, too. Let’s finish this selfish date, Edward. You’re gonna be really busy starting tomorrow.”
Nodding, I started the car, the temptation to just run away with Bella so fucking strong that my hand shook as I shifted into gear. I somehow knew for a fact the next few weeks would fly by, and the guilt for leaving her practically swallowed me whole. I needed to talk to her about it, and I needed to talk to Rose, and then there were my parents, too. I was determined to figure out a way to survive the tour and leaving Bella and the last several months with Volturi Records, not to mention seeing Heidi again. When Bella’s warm hand slipped into mine between the car seats, I calmed a bit, bringing her hand up to kiss the back of it. We’d figure it out. We had to figure it out, or I’d go crazy.


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